Justice Secretary Jack Straw has announced a cutting edge, risqué new clothing line ahead of the Christmas rush on clothes outlets over the next month.
Christmas was expected to be a real downer for the retail industry and bring home the realities of recession for an industry which partly relies on the seasonal stampede. The Government has already announced emergency measures like cutting the rate of VAT by a whopping 2.5% and lowering prices across the board (apart from in small shops) and making sure those who pay more VAT (the rich) also pay less tax this Christmas.
Yet retailers and commentators were worried the measures still were not enough. Bank of England Governor Mervyn King has said the real affect will be in the second half of 2009, while German Chancellor Angela Merkel has said that injecting more money may mean that we "find ourselves in five years facing the exact same crisis."
Jack Straw has announced the answer to the retail gloom. I need only read the statements from the Ministry of Justice's press release.
"This chique, classy and sophisticated number will make anyone stand out in the crowd."
"If Britons buy this, their fellow citizens won't be able to help themselves stop and stare as the lucky occupant of the 'shame vest' walks by. You may even be accosted by members of the public, especially if you stray near their partners!"
There will be a national television and billboard campaign to promote the orange vests, which carry the timeless yuletide message 'community payback.' The catchy jingle for the new ad includes these lyrics which are sure to haunt you!
"Deck the halls with bells and holly fa-la-la-la-la la la la la,
Deck your torso with gitmo orange fa-la-la-la-la la la la la"
Supplies are strictly limited as the Ministry has only ordered a measly 10,000 of these sexy must-have's.
There were admittedly some detractors. The Mirror reports that "Probation officers are expected to attack the move as demeaning to offenders and dangerous as they could lead to attacks."
Yet we all know that probation officers have no dress sense, and besides, the Mirror is a tabloid and any fashion icon worth their salt only reads vogue, government press releases and this blog. As politicians from across the political spectrum will admit, demeaning experiences can sometimes be sexy.
"Vests of shame" Available soon from all good retailers and courts.
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